3. THE EDGES OF THE CLOUDS

Twin nieces. 3 years old in 2013, so they are now a whopping 10!
Timeless Thursdays


Last week I ended with FOLLOW THE CLOUD.
This post is about where one cloud ends and the other
begins. Important concepts (in big sketchy lines)
that influence a relationship.
A twin connection differs from having no boundaries.
Exhibiting no boundaries is known as “symbiotic”
or intertwined, in diagnoses of  for example,
borderline personalities.

 

Having a sense of Boundaries.

Boundaries are complex, and influenced by many things.
First, boundaries have to do with attachment.
Bowlby has done groundbreaking and magnificent
work in theories in this area.

Look at your relationships with family members and friends.
Are they casual, or on and off, depending on circumstances?
Are they dependable, peaceful, or explosive, such as fights,
running away and more of these interactions?
Or are they distant, or superficial, giving you the sense
of being alone in the world?

 

How have your friendships developed?
Do you have many superficial friends,
or a handful enduring friends? How much
emotional distance do you keep?
Do you tell all, and how much do you keep private?
Makro-Tex:Hobby Music

 

Issues cause a misshapen identity

 

 



This is the blossoming REAL you!
Floral Fri Foto, FOTD, Nature Notes

 

A big influence on Issues are Childhood Traumas

These can be neglect, physical, emotional, or
sexual abuse, being bullied by others, etc..
If you had anyone abuse, healing is needed to
receive God as a loving father/parent, who says
“he will never leave you, or abandon you,”
also when you do not live up to what you think
his expectations are.

 

Wished that the psychological boundaries
of these arches could be seen and experienced
as easy.
Thurs. Doors

 

Expectations

Was automatic immediate obedience required
from parents, or was negotiation allowed?
These expectations do not stop once one moves out
of the house. These may continue even to a parents
death. These expectations are projected unto God,
as a father, or parent.
Also projected onto Jesus, as a big brother.

In my family of origin was the expectation to
immediately perform and satisfy the parent’s latest whim.

The result was that since my teen years I refuse to make
any impromptu speech, sing a song, or whatever is
asked at last minute. Sometimes I refused on purpose,
because I did not want to be “owned.”
I insist on needing time to prepare and process before.

The sense of boundaries in early life influences,
if and how much you allow any authority figure,
also God, to change you.

 

How to deal with Change

Is change a form of torture to you? Or do you welcome
it, trusting your father (God) knows best,
that he knows the future, so you can depend on him?

Better to lose your leaves for a season, than to die!
Sunday Tree, Nature Notes

Your boundaries also influence your ability to receive,
and to depend on him. If you have been taken advantage
of, you will have difficulty receiving any gift, comfort,
or help. You for sure will have trouble to depend on God,
also because …

society says
Being independent is good.

Not so, in a twin relationship with God.
He knows that “you can do it” that “you are qualified, or
have the skills” but you don’t have to prove anything to him!
A whole different  mindset, eh?
It is not because He needs a boost of his ego!

Also, it is lodged in your memory, when you receive a gift,
something is expected in return. Healing has taken place
when you can receive his gift,
eternal life.

Again, he loves you without any conditions,
and without measure. Will you let him love you?

 

If the Creator takes care of these two mourning doves,
would he not be able to take care of you?
Weekend Reflections, One Word Sunday: two

 

More about trauma
Every event experienced as a trauma, is one!
Even though others would not qualify it as such.
It is more than those “unfortunate events”
that once took place. Trauma becomes tied to
how you see your own identity,
and your self esteem (how you think others view you).
It influences how much you are able to trust God,
and let him guide you.
Note, I did not say “control” because he has given man
the freedom to choose (no matter what life has dealt you).

Too many view themselves as a victim of circumstances.
They grab the bottle or the needle to deal with it,
instead of pounding the doors of heaven!

 

 


Some edges of these clouds are somewhat nebulous (blurry)
Sky Watch

 

The change will be evident when you experience God
as “leading” and “guiding” you, instead of controlling you.

______________________________________________________________

THANKS TO ALL HOSTS

Thankful Thurs. * Thurs. Doors * Sky Watch *
Floral Fri Foto * FotoAWeek * Timeless Thursdays *
Weekend Reflections * Fri Bliss *
Sat. Critters *
____________________
One Word Sunday: two * Sun Tree * Sun Best *
Our World * Weekly smile * Makro-Tex: hobby *
Nature Notes * Pictoral Tue * Travel Tue *
FOTD *

26 thoughts on “3. THE EDGES OF THE CLOUDS

  1. I used to play the piano when I was young. Too bad I have completely lost interest in that although I was told to be talented. I stopped when my piano teacher wanted me to apply to Sibelius Academy and become a professional pianist. My son plays now the electric guitar and he really enjoys it and is very good at it. It has made me think about starting to play again. Music used to be such an important part of my life once.

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    1. Great story Teresa – it’s similar to mine.My brother has given me the high brand of classical guitar before we went to the USA, but I never had time for it – first study, than work. But a few years ago when I walked into the new painting studio when it was finished, I thought to pick up my guitar and make a song of thanksgiving! I thought, I’ll pick it back up quickly – 3 weeks in pain to form calluses, but I am still backtracking from where I once was. My rhythm is often off, and speed to change to another cord.Have not even tried back to the classical part, because then I have to cut my fingernails really short (vanity, vanity:)) But now I have the time, so I am not giving up! Thank you for sharing this personal story. Without music life can be very bland!

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  2. Jesh!!! Your nieces are soooo adorable! They don;t have matching sweaters and cute rattan cradles, their poses are also so identical! Thank you so much for sharing this to Timeless Thursdays dearest Jesh! Sending you hugs from the Philippines!

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  3. Boundaries are important, but also it is quite desirable to have some space/relationship/environment where there are no boundaries and you know that there, it is safe to go as far as you need, say whatever is in your mind and let out whatever is within your heart. That is what makes real friends, trusted family members and special places so important and precious in our lives, Jesh.

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  4. Your nieces are so cute and yes, time passes so fast and children grow up 🙂 Your post is wonderful with much to ponder. I appreciate you linking up and hope to see you back next week.

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    1. Thank you hippiemom:) Tried to look up your blog – are you are blogspot? The only blog with that name show 2005? If that’s you, I hope at least you make one post this year. This is an unforgettable year.!

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  5. Very interesting questions we must all ask ourselves. I’ve heard it said that whatever issues we had in childhood will come out in the marriage and with our relationship to the Father and Jesus. It makes sense. I don’t think a lot of us think about childhood issues working their way through each and every relationship though that makes sense too. Have a happy and safe weekend.

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  6. The concept of boundaries has been on my mind this year. I got thinking about them when we, as a society, first started living in quarantine at home. My husband and I are good at establishing our boundaries, between each other and with other people, but I’ve noticed that many friends aren’t doing so well in that department. It’s difficult for some people to tell other people to back off, I guess. I remember being told as a child that fences make for better neighbors. Old time proverbial wisdom that still works.

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    1. You are level headed, Ally:) Boundaries are the reason why friendships often fail.Because there is first the honeymoon stage, where everything is allowed, but then ….after that! No, I don’t want to go on vacation with you, my clothes are off limits, i don’t want to spend Christmas with you, etc. You are right, it is easier to set boundaries with a fence – from the beginning:) What is neat, is that people who marry often are on a similar level with boundaries. If not, there is trouble ahead.

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  7. Great post, It amazes me all the time how the first few years of life have such a huge effect on people. It goes on to the end of life. It is so important to find out who you really are, but so difficult , and never really done. It is a process, not an event.

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    1. So true! All of these issues brought people to therapy – and I loved to help them figure out who they were, what kinds of boundaries they had, and how that got them in the kind of trouble they were in, etc.:)

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  8. I never thought of a relationship with God being a twin relationship. I like that concept. I am going to have to ponder that one for a while. Thank goodness I have a set of enduring friendships. One of life’s biggest blessings!

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    1. Thank you Laurie for this reaction! I never thought about it until I stayed at Twin Harte (in my previous job I dealt a lot with word associations),
      It’s in last week’s post. It has made a real shift in my faith about God, and how much he wants a relationship with His children. In the last decades some (often huge) churches have advertised “cheap grace” and that it’s okay to sin, since he is always faithful to forgive us. That is not what his Word says though…when you like to talk about it outside blog land, this is my email junie15blooms@yahoo.com ..

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